As a mom, I’m hoping for a better year than last year. If you’re having trouble with any of your resolutions, check out some of mine. They may make you laugh and forget your troubles or cough up a lung so you’ll be forced to quit smoking:
- I resolve to try and get my children to eat vegetables so there will be more meat for me.
- I resolve to teach my kids to tell the truth even though it may sometimes hurt grandpa’s feelings when they shout, “You have stinky breath, old man!”
- I resolve to pause, listen and take the time to understand why my child is yelling before I start yelling, “STOP YELLING!”
- I resolve to get a mammogram every year so I can get my husband to stop checking for lumps.
- I resolve to have my kids make their beds, clean their rooms and wash their dishes so if they don’t go to college, they will always be able to fall back on their valuable domestic skills. (Or live at home forever and be my personal assistants.)
- I resolve to teach my children show kindness to their relatives so that I don’t have to.
- I resolve to make use of my walk-in closet. It’s the only place I can take my children when I don’t want to berate them in public.
- I resolve to apologize when I’m wrong, if that should ever happen to occur.
- I resolve to be present to each and every precious moment watching my children grow up –
after I’ve had a mimosa.
Maya Rachel – New Year’s 2010
Stephanie Blum is a former psychologist and stand-up comic who you may have seen on HBO’s Comedy Minutes or read in Child Magazine or Parents Magazine.
Listen to Stephanie and her husband Greg’s irreverent new talk show
THE STEPHANIE AND GREG SHOW